[ 2014-07-19 ]

World Cup 2014 Feature: Africa's Report Card
When the children got home and saw Papa Afrika
seated in his cane chair, they knew instantly that
they were in trouble. Nigeria and Algeria, the
confident ones among the quintet who represented
the family at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil,
naturally led the entry onto the corridor.

Dressed in his smock and drawing from his pipe,
Papa looked well versed for the dressing down he
was about to inflict on his 'poor 'children. 'You
two, (referring to Nigeria and Algeria), step to
my right and Ghana, Cameroun and Cote d'Ivoire to
my left' said Papa. In his typical 'speak for
yourself' disposition, Papa asked Ghana, Cameroun
and Cote d'Ivoire to review their performance at
the 2014 World Cup. One by one they stepped
forward:

Cote d'Ivoire
Before Cote d'Ivoire could utter a word, Papa butt
in, 'I am so disappointed in you; you were the
most talented amongst your siblings. For many
years you promised to bring me honour and
silverware; many years you returned empty handed.
You were showered with many accolades, but many
years you flattered to deceive like a girl picked
up in the evening. In previous years, I cut you
slack because you were stationed in difficult
groups; 2006 with Argentina, Holland and Serbia;
in 2010 with Brazil, Portugal and North Korea. So
when this year you were gifted Colombia, Greece
and Japan, I started singing Hallelujah! 'Adonai'
was on repeat on my play list. I expected you to
at least make it out of the group stage but once
again, after beating the taekwondo boys 2-1, you
limply gave into Shakira's kinsmen by a similar
score line. In the final group match, you allowed
Apollo and Zeus to seize your concentration by
allowing Greece to snatch qualification from you
in the final minute because you were busy styling
your 'Jerry curls'. I have decided that you will
need a private teacher to strengthen you in
'mental'. Until then I rate your performance a
'C'. Get out of my sight!

Ghana
As for you, I am even more disappointed in you
than Cote d'Ivoire whose 'matriki-wu' qualities
are well documented. Yes, I know you were in a
very difficult group with Germany, Portugal and
perennial nemesis USA. In the last 2 World Cups,
you flew my flag proudly and made me proud when
you were the sole African rep in the second round
in 2006 and quarter final in 2010. Now, I know it
isn't a given that per your previous record you
should have definitely made the semi-final, but I
expected a heart on sleeve performance; a greater
effort, so that even if you were eliminated, you
could walk with your heads high. As we saw later,
Portugal in the last game were as turgid as
'Banku', pretty much there for the taking for
Ghana to collect 3 points after losing 2-1 to USA
and drawing 2-2 with Germany. You fluffed that
opportunity because you were not prepared, having
stayed up late on match eve, counting your
$100,000 appearance fees which you twisted my hand
for. Yours is an 'E'. I have not known you to be
this recalcitrant, but I blame your senior brother
Cameroun who was a terrible influence, where is
he?

Cameroun
I am least surprised by your output; you are a
classic case of good boy gone bad. After your
quarter final feat in 1990, you have allowed that
'feat' to get into your head and you have since
done a bad job at leading your siblings by
example.

I am not surprised you came back with zero points,
indeed Brazil were magnanimous to have gifted you
a goal in the final group game which you lost 4-1.
It's even alleged that you fixed the game you lost
4-0 to Croatia. Almost everything you touched this
trip turned to charcoal.

First, you refused to board a flight because you
wanted guarantees for your $104,000 appearance fee
and then when you got to Brazil you retorted to
'Shaka Zulu like' fights against opponents and
even amongst yourselves on the field. Shame on
you! Henceforth, you shall cease wasting time on
body building and concentrate more on basic
etiquette and social graces. Your rating is an
obvious 'F'!

Nigeria and Algeria
Nigeria, you met my expectation of making it out
of your group, after all, it was only Argentina
that was expected to pose you problems. You gave
me a scare when you drew with Iran but the victory
over Bosnia Herzegovina was enough. Just when we
back home, thought you were building momentum, the
smell of Ghana's dollars travelled into your room
and intoxicated you, so much so that, you also
decided to revolt over bonuses. Predictably you
lost focus against France and lost 2-0 in the
second round game. It's a 'B' for you Nigeria
because you could have done way better. Now
Algeria; you were the least expected to do well,
indeed you hadn't won a world cup game since 1982
and hadn't even scored a goal but you surpassed
all expectations due to tactical and moral
discipline you demonstrated in the tourney; you
beat South Korea 4-2 and drew with Russia to
qualify for the second round with 4 points. Unlike
your siblings, you played with honour and heart.
Africa is proud of you indeed! Relatively, your
performance merits a 'B+' for the best African
performance.

On the whole, the collective performance was below
average and the African game needs fixing but I
will save that for another day, in the meantime,
somebody fetch me some palm wine! Papa Afrika
cried out and the children scurried off.

Source - Ghanasoccer

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